Worth Forgiving Read online

  Lily jumps from the couch abruptly. “I should check on your clothes. They were pretty soaked. One cycle might not be enough.” I smile watching her walk away, and not just because of the view. Seeing her flustered as I spoke, told her what I liked, gives me hope I might have a chance.

  ***

  A little while later, we’re back on the couch and I know my clothes have to be close to dry. We’re comfortable with each other, so I try to broach what her deal with Caden is.

  “So Caden seems protective of you.”

  Lily forces a smile, although the mention of Caden definitely changes the mood. “That he is,” her tone tells me it’s not something she’s too happy about.

  Quiet for a moment, I try to think of a tactful way to ask the question, but sometimes direct is just the fastest way to where you want to go and causes the least amount of resistance. “Are you together?” Looking her in the eye, I ask pointedly.

  “No. Not anymore.”

  “But you were?”

  “Yes, we were.” She pauses then adds, “It’s complicated.”

  “So you’re not sleeping together?”

  “No!” She answers, shocked that I would ask such a question. But there’s no way in hell I would share a woman like Lily.

  “So it’s not complicated then.”

  “You don’t…” The dryer buzzer interrupts our conversation and Lily’s too eager to make an escape. A minute later she brings back my clothes.

  “They’re dry,” she says, and I think I hear a bit of disappointment in her voice. I change in the bathroom, putting on my warm pants but realize she’s given me one of her shirts instead of mine.

  “I don’t think this is going to fit me?” I emerge from the bathroom shirtless, holding her shirt up.

  Lily turns around. Not answering with words, I watch as her eyes drop from my face to my body. Swallowing hard, slowly her eyes trace the length of me, stopping at the top of my unbuttoned jeans. Her lips part and with a salacious gaze, I hear a small gasp that makes me lose the little resolve to be a gentleman I have left. “Oh fuck this,” I growl, taking the two strides to reach her quickly, finding all the emotions in her eyes that I feel deep inside of me. Lust. Need. Desire. Hunger so deep, it consumes me.

  Walking us two steps until her back is to the wall, I reach down and lift her up easily. Pinning her body between mine and the wall, I wrap her legs around my waist and bury my face into her neck, breathing deeply to take in her scent.

  Heat pulsating wildly through my veins, I pull my head back, dig my hips deeply into her parted legs so she can feel how hard she’s affecting me and claim her mouth in a kiss.

  A low moan escapes her mouth as we come up for air, both panting, our chests rising and falling in rhythm pressed firmly up against each other. “God I love that sound,” I growl, sealing my mouth back over hers before we’ve even both caught our breath.

  She tastes fucking incredible. How can someone taste so damn good? Sweet and addicting, like a drug you know you shouldn’t take the first time, because there’s no going back to how you were before you had it. You need it. Want it. Crave it.

  Dropping my mouth to her neck, I lick and suck, making my way to her ear where I bite down on her tender lobe. I listen to her breathing change, learning what she likes as my tongue explores every inch of what I can reach. But it’s not enough. I need more. “Jesus, what I’m gonna do to you,” I groan.

  Slipping one hand behind her head and the other lifting her weight at the curve of her ass, I unpin her from against the wall and carry her over to the couch. Gently, I lay her down, her back to the soft leather, and lean over her. Her wide blue-green eyes look up at me with hooded need, but there’s something else there. Something that stops me no matter how bad I want to keep going.

  “You okay, Angel?” I ask, my voice hoarse, straining to control myself.

  She hesitates, “I…I shouldn’t.”

  The simple two words are the equivalent of someone pouring a bucket of cold water over my head. Shit. I stand, raking my hands through my hair, taking my frustration out as I tug mindlessly at my own locks. Why the hell did I need to ruin the moment by stopping to talk, we were doing just fine without conversation.

  “I’m sorry,” Lily says in a timid voice, sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest.

  “Don’t be. It’s my fault. I should go.” Turning my back on her, I grab Reed’s shirt, rather than wait for her to get mine from the dryer and take off toward the door. It’s barely over my head when I reach for my shoes and walk out without looking back.

  I replay the last twenty minutes over and over in my head as I make my way down the four flights to the lobby. I shouldn’t, she said, not I don’t want to. Turning around, I take the stairs back up two at a time.

  Chapter 13

  Lily

  What the hell is wrong with me? I can’t remember ever wanting something so badly, yet I chase him out the door. And for what? Because of a bad experience getting involved, or rather getting uninvolved, with Caden? Because I feel badly for breaking it off with a man I’m not in love with? A man I’ve never wanted like I do Jax. For almost a year I’ve walked around numb, filled with an emptiness I never thought would be filled. Then a man comes along that makes me feel more alive than I ever have, and what do I do? Push him away like an idiot.

  I pick up my phone to call Reed, as I always do whenever I have a problem. But half way through dialing I realize I know what he’s going to say. Screw this. I’ll figure the rest out tomorrow. Flinging open the door to my apartment, I don’t bother to put on shoes as I make my way to the stairwell, hoping I’m not too late. Just as I reach my hand forward to open the heavy door leading to the stairs, it flies open and I’m met by the most beautiful blue eyes staring down at me.

  “Where are you going?” he asks, his chest heaving up and down like he just sprinted up the four long flights of stairs.

  “To get you,” I whisper.

  Taking a step closer to me, Jax cups my chin, sliding his thumb across my bottom lip longingly, before tilting my head up so my eyes can meet his gaze. “You said you shouldn’t. You didn’t say you didn’t want to.” He searches my eyes, waiting for something, although I’m not sure what else he needs. I’ve come after him.

  “Say it,” Jax demands, lowering his face so we’re eye to eye. “Tell me you want me as much as I want you. I don’t give a shit what you should or shouldn’t do. I just need to hear you say it. Tell me you want me.”

  “I do.” I breathe out, feeling relief just saying the words.

  “Say it then,” Jax commands more firmly as he takes a step closer. We’re practically touching, but it isn’t enough. I want him against me, his hard body crushing against mine again.

  “I want you,” I squeak out, little more than a whisper.

  “Again. Louder,” Jax wraps one arm around my waist, pulling me close to him. The other hand grips the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair, he tugs my head back. It doesn’t hurt, but I feel the strength in his hands and it gets my attention, forcing me to look up…maybe even leaving a little more wetness between my legs. Staring back at him, he waits patiently. He wants me to say it to his eyes.

  “I want you,” I say louder, with more force, more meaning.

  A wicked smile crosses his face that speaks volumes. He lifts me, our mouths colliding with need so consuming I don’t even realize he’s carried us back into my apartment until the door slams closed with my back up against it.

  One of his large hands grips both my wrists and pulls them high above my head. It makes me feel small and vulnerable, but instead of scaring me, it turns me on. I want him to take me. I don’t even care if it’s right here against the wall, my whole body yearns with desire.

  Leaning down, I think he’s going to kiss me, but instead he buries his head in my neck, the feeling of his warm breath near my ear, ratcheting up my need to an excruciating level. My hands held tightly over my head, I have no way to
grab him, bring his mouth to me where I need him, so I do the only thing I can do to force more contact. Arching my back, I push my body deeply into his until we’re pressed tightly against each other. But it’s not enough, I still need more.

  “Please,” I say, almost pleading. I need to feel him back against me, know that he’s really here again. “Kiss me.” I groan as he nibbles his way down my neck to the tender skin at the crook of my shoulder.

  Pulling his head back, his voice no more than a rough whisper, a delightful twitch of his sinful mouth, he says, “Oh, I’m going to kiss you, Angel. Every part of you. From the tips of your toes to the top of your head. I’m going to bury my mouth so deep inside of you that you’re going to beg for me to stop kissing you.” Distantly I register Jax lifting me and my being carried; but I’m too busy concentrating on the way he sucks my tongue into his mouth as he kisses me with more passion than I’ve ever been kissed.

  He lays me down on the bed and stands, looking down at me with hunger in his eyes that brings goosebumps to my skin, even though he hasn’t even touched me yet.

  I reach up, offering my hand, wanting him near me, but he grins and shakes his head no. His gaze almost predatory, he leans down, his face aligned with my breasts, and pushes down the fabric to my thin tank top, revealing a very protruding, and wanting, nipple.

  “It was killing me knowing you had no bra on under here,” he hisses, then drops his head without warning, sucking deeply on one nipple while staring up at me…watching my reaction. His tongue swirls around my pebbled bundle of nerves before biting down and I gasp at the unexpected pain. Although it’s the kind of pain that feels good, and he quickly lavishes sweet kisses making it all better anyway.

  Discarding my tank top for better access, he shifts his attention to the other breast. His tongue again swirling around in gentle circles, awakening every nerve ending, setting my body on high alert, before biting down with just enough force to make me gasp.

  My nails dig into his shoulders and I try to pull him up, but he doesn’t budge. Not upwards anyway. With a nearly maddening slow pace, he kisses and nibbles his way down from my breasts, inch by inch, leaving no skin untouched as he makes his way down to the edge of the bed.

  Dropping to his knees, he watches me, his captivating blue eyes searing into me as he pulls me down the bed until my ass hovers near the edge. He slips off my pants in one fluid motion, leaving me lying bare in only my skimpy black lace panties.

  He strokes his fingers languidly along the edge of the lace, before his hand slips underneath, his thumb grazing lightly over my clit, but it’s enough to have me panting at his simple touch and my body throbbing for him. The tension inside of me builds even more as he slips one finger inside of me, finding me already slick from my own juices. “You’re so wet for me,” he murmurs approvingly.

  Adding a second finger, he pushes in and out in a slow, steady, unhurried rhythm. Keenly focused on my eyes, he watches how my body reacts to his every touch. Seeing him fixated on learning my body’s reactions only serves to heighten the intensity of what I’m feeling. I never knew how incredibly sexy it could be for a man to be so focused on bringing a woman pleasure. Bringing me pleasure.

  He speeds up the pace and I feel my body climbing higher and higher with each blissful pump. But I want him with me. Want him inside of me when I come, need him to fall with me when I spiral down from the mountain he’s brought me to the top of.

  “Please, Jax,” I breathe, reaching down, trying to grasp his shoulders and bring him up to me.

  “Shh…later, I promise.” A dirty grin crosses his face, “I’m just getting started.” He adds his thumb to my clit, rubbing gentle circles around as he continues to push two fingers into me. Fast and firmly, his fingers glide in and out, in and out. I’m so close…dangling over the tunnel that leads straight to euphoria.

  “I need to watch you come. Your sweet little pussy is tightening around me. Let it happen, Angel. I can’t wait to spread you out and lick every drop from you.” His words enough to send me spiraling over the edge, my body begins to convulse, clamping down around his fingers as I climax. Between the innate instinct to close my eyes and let it wash over me and the intimacy of the moment, I struggle to hold his gaze. But I do, because it’s the only thing I can give him in the moment, and his eyes flare with satisfaction as he watches me, brings me to this place.

  Barely recovered, I’m in a fog as he slips off my now soaked panties. Jax lifts one leg high, starting at my ankle and kisses his way gently up to my thigh. Slowly, he lifts and worships my other leg, only this time, when he reaches the top, he arranges both legs over his shoulders.

  The first lick from his hot tongue elicits an unexpected shudder that runs through my body. I moan, a feeling of ecstasy taking over me, between the strength of my orgasm just a few minutes ago and the feeling of his tongue lapping hungrily, almost needily, at my juices, my emotions consume me.

  My body arches off the bed, greedily craving more. And he gives it to me selflessly, his tongue tunneling deep inside me, licking and sucking, drinking in all my body gives as if he needed it to survive.

  My breath quickening, one throaty moan leading directly into the next, my body begins to tremble against his mouth. Clutching and tugging at his hair as my orgasm washes over me like a tidal wave, it pulls me under in its fury until I have to struggle to breathe.

  In a euphoric haze, I sense the activity around me, but my brain doesn’t register what’s happening until I hear the crinkle of a wrapper and feel the brush of Jax’s thick erection waiting patiently near my opening.

  Hovering over me, Jax hesitates, one arm supporting his weight, the other hand brushes my hair from my face with a tender touch. “You okay, Angel?” he asks, true concern in his voice even though I should be the one asking if he’s okay after the marathon treatment he’s just delivered.

  I nod, a goofy grin on my face, which apparently he finds amusing. Taking his time, he gently kisses around every inch of my lips, his tongue dipping in to mingle with mine leisurely. His smile is still firmly in place as he pulls his head back to look into my eyes. I lift my pelvis slightly under his weight, silently urging him to take me. He knows what I want and I watch as his eyes change from playful to hungry, filled with raw desire. “You want my cock inside of you?” he groans.

  I nod again. My thirst for this man is barely quenched even after what he’s already done to me. Keeping his eyes locked with mine, with a strong thrust of his hips, he finally sinks into me. Slowly. He’s long. And thick. I’ve never seen him naked before this so I don’t know what to expect. But whatever I expected, the reality blows the fantasy away. Painstakingly slow, he rocks into me a little at a time, stretching me unhurriedly, like he knows he needs to take his time, until the base of him is finally flush against me.

  It feels heavenly. More than just him inside of me, I feel filled by him, possessed completely and totally connected. Like we’ve just shut ourselves off from the world and only the two of us exist. Together, as one.

  He takes his time, giving me a chance to adjust to his wide girth, before he begins moving. Our fingers linked together tightly, he sets our rhythm. At first it’s slow and sweet. I wrap my legs tightly around him, allowing him to sink even deeper than he already is. I moan his name and Jax responds with a sound that can only be described as a growl. And then slow and steady goes out the window. Jax slams into me hard and fast, relentlessly pounding over and over until my furious grip on his back goes limp and both of us climax with a ferocious groan that he silences with a kiss.

  ***

  I don’t remember falling asleep, but I wake completely tangled with Jax, our arms and legs wrapped around each other in a vice like grip. My head on his chest, I tilt my eyes up, expecting to find him still asleep, but he’s already awake.

  “Morning,” he says in a low, gravelly morning voice that is sexy as all hell.

  “Morning.” I smile at him and snuggle a bit closer. It feels so good. So righ
t. I spent months with Caden and never wanted to spend the entire day in bed. Snuggling was just never my thing…until now.

  “How long have you been up for?” I ask.

  Jax strokes my hair back, his touch soothing more than my morning bed head. “I don’t know. An hour maybe.”

  “Do you have to be somewhere?” I ask, quietly hoping he doesn’t.

  “Nope. You?”

  “It’s my day off from the gym. The uptown manager is covering for me today.” I pause. “Although I do need to do a little sketching at some point. I’m a bit behind because of all the extra hours I’ve been putting in at the gym with Joe away.”

  Flipping me over onto my back in one swift move I didn’t see coming, Jax pulls the sheet covering my body down, sucking one nipple into his mouth. “You can sketch me.”

  “I can, can I?” I tease, pretending he’s arrogant and I don’t really want to sketch him. Even though I’ve wanted nothing more than to capture his jaw line on paper since the first time I laid eyes on him.

  “Yep.” He smiles, moving his attention to my other nipple and biting down until I yelp. “Naked.”

  “What if I don’t want to draw you naked?”

  “Then you can do other things to me naked.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

  “Hmm. Tough choice. I really do like to draw, what other things did you have in mind? I need a little more specifics before I can decide,” I tease.

  “Let’s see…my cock has so many ideas….” He slides two fingers inside of me.

  I gasp. “I can sketch later.”

  “Good choice, Angel.”

  ***

  If morning sex was always like we just had, I’d be anxious to get to bed every night, just to wake up. Sitting in my kitchen wearing nothing but tight black boxer briefs, Jax keeps me company as I finish up making us pancakes.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sixteen,” Jax answers without hearing my question.